We’re starting a new series here on WithConsideration for those of you who are into the same hippie shit we are. We’re going to start this with some lessons on tarot–how to read it, what it means, about the cards, how much they scare me, and more. Let’s find some motherfuckin’ inner peace and self knowledge!
For this, we’re just starting with the basics on the cards, reading, etc. before we get into the different suits.
What is Tarot?
Tarot is reading of yourself for god damn filth via a series of cards. These cards are magic. I don’t know why or how, but they know every stupid thing you’ve done or said and are just waiting to remind you. When you spit a little when you were talking to your crush? They know. When you stayed online even when you told your friends you were going to bed? They know. They’re like Santa, but flatter.
What kinds of cards are there?
There are five different kinds of tarot cards: major arcana, and minor arcana including the suits of cups, pentacles, swords, and wands. Each of them means something a little different if you draw it which we’ll get into more when we talk about the different suits individually, but the low-down is this:
Major arcana: the “listen the fuck up” cards. They signal major points on life’s journey, so if you draw a major arcana card, listen the fuck up.
Minor arcana: the “here’s the area of your life you need to focus on” cards. They’re more specific for all of your tiny shortcomings that add up to why you’re the piece of shit you are. (Maybe that’s just me.)
Finding a deck.
Ideally a tarot deck should just manifest itself into your hands by the sheer power of will, each card materializing and falling into your hand one-by-one, but in the instance that doesn’t work out for you (loser), you’re allowed to go buy one. I would say you should go to a spiritual advisor or your local street witch, but honestly I got mine from a Barnes & Noble in 2011 and it works just fine. Much like wands in Harry Potter, the deck chooses you, so pick the one you get the strongest spiritual vibe for (or has the coolest pictures).
Why should I listen to a bunch of cards? What do they know?
Look, if you’re skeptical, I get it, I was too. Honestly, since getting in touch with Tarot, I’ve gotten much more self aware and have been more calm and methodical in my problem solving, and I feel altogether more spiritually grounded. And if that doesn’t sway you, people are going to think you’re REALLY fucking cool at parties when you can whip out some tarot readings, so jot that down.
Next week, we’ll start by analyzing all of the different cards to find out all the different ways that Tarot can pull receipts you didn’t even know existed.